Sunday, January 28, 2007

Yet another update on that Parking Situation...

Yes, it hardly seems possible, but That Parking Situation's raised its ugly head yet again.

Seems that over the last few weeks there've been exchanges going on between the Gemeinde Man (Local Government), Herr Arkitekt (he of the bow tie), and our super-handy landscape gardener (Useful Landscaping Chap). This flared up last Friday, but what with a massive fever that left me gasping for energy, oxygen and braincells, it's has to wait until now for a write up.

Problems? The types of material we could use for the construction of the partition/retaining wall between our driveway and our neighbour's land. Whether the space our drive way entrance will have conforms to whatever minimum standard as defined in so and so Swiss building code. Oh, and whether we should have some form of fence (and type) to stop small children/cars/helicopters/cows falling the 2m or so from our parking area down to the house level.

Claudia organised to meet up with interested parties (yet again) on Wednesday lunch time. Due to the fact that my temperature was around 40 degrees C at the time, I deferred. Well, to be honest, I wasn't asked. This was going to be Claudia's gig this time.

Claudia's feedback as follows, (anglicised for clarity, yer understand):

All very strange with Gemeinde Man. He came team-handed with a small bloke in a yellow vest.

He reinsisted that we must have a fence to stop people, cars and snowploughs from falling down the 2m drop. Yes, we have small children ourselves. And it'd better be done by the time we move in, 'cos they'd know. Yes, we intend to because we have... And if it isn't there by then, they'll suspend snowplough services to our cul-de-sac. Yes, we intend to because we have small...

Next problem!

That partition/retaining wall must clearly deliniate the boundary between the properties. Erm, bloody good idea under the circumstances. And must be easily removable in case the water people (who work for the Gemeinde) need to dig up the main. So, small granite blocks should be ok... And we insist on no concrete. So, small granite blacks should be... And not the usual large granite blocks! So, small granite blocks... In fact, we'll only give you permission to proceed on the understanding that you use small granite blocks.


Lastly, your turning-in circle doesn't conform to paragraph blah blah, section blah blah, chapter blah blah, of the Ladybird Book of Building Regulations (Swiss Edition). As stated: "Turning circles to left and right must be a minimum of 3m in radius. This one doesn't conform".

"Bollocks! Course it does!", cry Herr Arkitekt and Useful Landscaping Chap together. Doesn't! Does! Doesn't! DOES! OH NO IT BLOODY DOESN'T!"

And then a "No, it looks ok", comes from, believe it or not, Gemeinde Man's back-up, known to myself only as nice small bloke in a yellow hazard vest who's looking carefully at the latest plans (Version 127 revision C). Unexpected ally! Kiss that man! "Plain as day in these plans it's 3m radius uphill, and 3.4m downhill." (pause) Kiss that man again!

And that was that. Gemeinde Man promised a rubber stamp approval for what we'd all shaked hands by the end of next week. We'll see. One can only hope that this particular vampire has been well and truly killed now, as we're running short on stakes and crucifixes.

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